Today I chose to be happy…

And now someone is trying to prevent me from being happy.

I run a paper craft business…being doing it a year…and as every entrepreneur knows, it takes a couple years to get things going…and yet…I have a nay sayer in my life who keeps shitting on what I am doing…and telling me I need to give up. Asking what it would take for me to give it up.

This nay sayer is my mom…so I can’t even really cut her out and stop being around her. Although it’s pretty gosh darn tempting to pack my shit one weekend while she is gone and be out of here.

As i sit here and type this…it could actually come to that…


It’s Okay…to Not Be Okay…when it all goes Pete Tong..


And it’s the hardest thing to admit…When We’re not Okay.

We tell people everything is find…even when it isn’t because you don’t want to be a burden to them. We say everything is alright because we don’t want to be marginalized by people who seem to think what we are feeling or why we are feeling it is trivial and we just need to suck it up.

Lots of things can get under our armour; A loss; A unexpected changed; even just a word from a friend that cuts deeper than one would think. And when this happens; we may not physically bleed, but we are bleeding just the same. Our hearts bleed; our souls bleed. The pain is just as sharp as if someone had cut you.

It’s okay to not be okay…

But don’t hide it…tell someone if they ask if your okay…tell them how you really feel and if you’re not okay…then tell them you’re not okay.

But admitting it…as I said above for the reasons I included above…is hard. Admitting this means you make yourself vulnerable, and being vulnerable is also hard. It means letting the world in – so your friends can come in too – and showing them your pain. It’s also hard when people walk away after they see your pain…they walk away because they can’t or won’t help you cope with your pain. This adds to the not being okay portion; when your crew walks away from you it can make you feel like the whole world is crashing down.

I have been there…hell I am still there.

Admitting you’re not okay doesn’t only happen once; it happens every time you’re not okay. It’s never just a blanket statement because tomorrow you may be okay…but the day after…you’re may not.

Admit to someone when you’re not okay…

Even if it’s just to yourself…



Then there is Radio Silence…


It’s the silence you face when people you normally talk to frequently all of a sudden stop talking to you.

This can be upsetting…especially if you don’t know why. You become obsessive about checking for notifications and emails to see if you missed a message. It buys you a ticket on the What If Train…It causes you to flood their inbox, voicemail or even text messages asking what it is you have said or done. It sends your mind into rabbit holes about that why’s and wherefore’s as to this radio silence.

Take a step back…and take a deep breath…several if need be.

Consider how long it’s been since you have heard from them…A Day? Probably just got busy…a few days…same thing. A week? At this point I would touch base with them, see how they are, but don’t make it about you…make it about them. Because the radio silence may not be about you at all…but about them and what is happening in their lives.

So keep this in mind…and try not to panic.



The Sound of Silence…


“If there was a little more silence, if we all kept quiet…maybe we could understand something.” – Federico Fellini

The Sound of Silence…

While a sensory deprivation tank can give you true complete silence…the world around you actually cannot. Because the world and our environment isn’t silent.

Sitting in repose at the table today…without my usual music playing as I type up my thoughts for you gentle readers…I have come to realize that even without my music, there is a symphony at play around me. The sounds of the birds chirping, the hum of the refrigerator, the gentle snoring of my Wee Mouser Dog, Leaves rustling, Wind Chimes buffeted by the wind. Music that is sometimes missed as we go about our busy lives.

Yet, Silence is more than just an absence of sound; its of stillness, in our minds, our hearts and our souls. It’s in these moments that we can truly connect with and check in on ourselves. To root out the toxicity that is poisoning us. While the toxicity may not be a physical thing, it can certainly manifest as physical ailments, making us not only sick in mind, heart and soul, but in our bodies as well. Purging the toxicity is not a fast process, and remember to be gentle with yourself.

Most Important…Above All Else…

You Are a Work-In-Progress…



When You Discover That You Don’t Deserve Your Crew…


I’m an online gamer…recently a portion of the team I am a part of decided to merge with another team. This merge was to be mutually beneficial. A Month in and it’s proving not the case.

I question everything…and I mean…EVERYTHING…everyone who has ever played a game with me knows I question everything. My previous team leaders have always taken it in stride. This team however…leadership expects blind obedience…if a player has a question they are not to post it on the main forum, instead they want separated side chats for clarification. Why not post it to the main forum…what if other people have the same damn question????

Amateur Hour…

So today I question a contest and took myself out of the contest. Leadership went absolutely bat shit. I mean ABSOLUTELY and COMPLETELY BAT SHIT. I got reprimanded not only in Leadership Chat by two of the leadership team…but also individually by the same two people in the leadership team…can we say OVERKILL?

So I elected to withdraw from the conversations as they were. I learned then how awesome my crew is…and how much I really don’t deserve them…but I am so happy to be a part of them. They went toe to toe with those in Leadership who went after me in the forums. No Holds Barred. They also went toe to toe with the remaining membership on my behalf.

I truly do not deserve my crew…but I am so very grateful to have them.

We’re on a roll…and the choice is yours


Each choice we make in life is a step in the direction our lives will take.

The biggest choice one has to make is do we travel towards the best version of ourselves or do we remain bogged down within ourselves held captive by our fears.

I have chosen the path of being the best version of me that I can be…

Which means showing up for my life and speaking my truth…

There are those out there who will not like me speaking my truth…and will do much in their power to shut me down…all I can say to that is…🖕🖕🏻🖕🏼🖕🏽🖕🏾🖕🏿.

Showing up…means setting up a nightly routine so I am refreshed and ready for the day and not dragging my ass like an old tired dog. I won’t say – get up at the same time everyday as I already do that…my wee mouser dog requires insulin injections twice a day at the same time every day. I’m notorious for staying up until 3 AM as I have issues with turning my brain off if you will.

Showing up…means working daily at my business especially when I really don’t feel like it and would rather curl up with a good book to pass the time.

Showing up…means living in my head less and living in the world me.

Showing up…means leaving my comfort zone and doing the things that need doing even if they are icky…because that’s the job.

Showing up…means embracing the fact that growing old ain’t for the faint at heart.

Showing up…means embracing who I am currently and forming me into who I want to be.

Showing up…means accepting others more and judging others less.

Showing up…means cutting myself some slack when I fall down.

Showing up…means….letting me…be myself.

It’s time to show up…

Connecting to my best version of Me…


Questions posted to me in the challenge I have been honoured to be a part of…

(My answers are below each question…)

If there were no limits on my infinite potential, infinite wisdom, and soulful living…

What Would Be Going On?

I would be running my own business, sharing what I love on all levels.

Who Have You Become?

Someone unfettered by what society (and my family) deem I should be doing with my life…

What Do Your Days Look Like?

Meaningful and Happy

How Do You Feel Most Consistently?


What Are Your Passions?

Helping people; teaching people; making a difference; making today better than yesterday and tomorrow better than today.

What Lights You Up?

Sharing my talents with folk; spending time learning about people (who don’t suck).

How Do You Treat Yourself, And Those Around You?

With dignity and respect (especially the ones I don’t like – I am working on this)

What Does Your Body Look and Feel Like?

Better than I do today…even some relief from constant pain would be an improvement.

How Do You Make Money?

By teaching my craft; sharing what I love; helping people.

How Much Money Do You Make?

Enough to pay the bills, have a few ‘pennies’ saved for a rainy day…with enough left over for a pint at the pub. Money doesn’t drive me…it never has.

What Would Be Different Than It Is Now?

I would be further along in my goals.

Connecting to the best version of you doesn’t happen overnight…but it can happen…but you need to put in the work…as do I.