When You Outgrow People…

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And they outgrow you…

It’s all part of that Reason…Season…Lifetime thing…

People we meet in our lives, some we grow with forever, some we grow with for only a short time…and some are the reasons we grow at all…

You see, as we go through life we’ll meet all kinds of people, and when we start out we think; ‘Yes! we’re going to be friends for life!!!’ Sometimes you’re right…and sometimes it works out differently.

I was friends with a girl starting in Jr. High; met her through the Drum Corps I was in. Nice girl, joined a group I was sitting with as we ate lunch, started talking, and pretty soon after that we were fast friends. After awhile I thought I had a life long friend in her. I was wrong…

Fast forward 15 years…we fell apart…so much so that I was dropped from her wedding party by her fiancé via an eCard from Hallmark, and when I called…she would only respond by email. I was incredibly hurt by this, so I didn’t attend the wedding…and aside from forwarding pictures shortly there after and one message before I moved to Australia I have had no contact with her. While I do hope she is well – she was a dear friend while she was in my life – in the ensuing years I have come to realize that our fallout was inevitable. Things that I made excuses for actually annoyed me, things that I accepted as ‘That’s Who She Is’ turned out to be…’That’s Who She Is With Me…’ because she wasn’t like that with anyone else. In the end it is obvious we had outgrown one another…

It happens in everyone’s life…we outgrow people…and they outgrow us. It’s not because we’ve stopped growing or they’ve stopped growing it’s merely that your respective ‘vines’ are now growing in different directions. This becomes quite evident when there is an atmosphere of feeling used. We’ve all experienced this, you’re merrily going along in life when little by little people who you assumed were your friends start to take advantage of you. They invite you along on outings not because they enjoy your company but because they need a body for numbers – and haven’t we all been here at some point in our lives?

It hurts when it happens…and it’s hard to let go…

But at the end of the day…

We do have to let go…

 

The Narrative…

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Not everyone is going to agree with your narrative…

It is what it is…

Now I know people say that of course not everyone is going to agree with such and such an opinion…

And yet…we still get angry when they don’t…

And even angrier still when we get called out on our narrative…

This can cause the loss of a job…

This can even cause a rift in a relationship…

It’s happened to everyone…

Some people will surround themselves with only those who will agree 100% with the narrative they have…until they no longer do…then it is a quick cut of the cord all the while acting as if they have been wronged.

It’s total bullshit of course.

They haven’t been wronged…they were just disagreed with…get over it.  It’s known as a difference of opinion. Yet, there are those who decide that the best course of action is to repeatedly browbeat those who disagree. Just so you know they don’t actually convince anyone, they just look like a petulant asshole who isn’t getting their way, tantamount to being a bully.

This is nowhere more prevalent then social media; the vitriol that can spew forth from keyboards, their human origin hidden behind One’s and Zero’s, their online image an avatar. Typed words on a screen…they lack tone, intonation, non-verbal cues…personality. In what was intended to be a gentle question, is answered with anger and aggression, a war cry of…”How Dare You Question Me!!!!” followed by line upon line of justification, with the coup de grâce being…”You Aren’t the Person I Thought You Were!!!”

It begs the question…

Just Who Exactly Did You Think They Were?

Because they don’t agree all the time doesn’t make them any less a friend. It may mean they are perhaps quite a good friend…one who isn’t afraid to respectfully and thoughtfully question ideals as opposed to being a sycophant.

Respect and thought is the key qualifiers here…because all too often a difference of opinion leads to a lot of disrespect and thoughtlessness towards the other person.