The longer it goes on…the harder it is to deal with…

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November 4, 2017 marked the one year anniversary of my unemployment.

I have been without a job for over a year.

In the early days it wasn’t too bad, I had been fired before, it wasn’t like I was in uncharted territory there.

I had been unemployed for a long stretch of time in the past, so this also was nothing new…and yet…it feels different…very different from before. It wasn’t until last night that realization hit me…

The last time I had been unemployed for an extended period of time, I was going to school. My unemployment didn’t weigh on me for I something else on the go, something that required energy, with deadlines and such. So my having no job allowed for me to do better in my studies than I normally might have. It was only toward the end of my schooling – 4 months to be precise – that I found a job, and a job no less that allowed me to persuade my course of study while still paying the bills.

This time however, I have no schooling to fill my days. You can only spend so long at the computer sending applications. The days of the walk in and drop off your resume is sadly in the past with perhaps the few exceptions still out there. So what else do you fill your time with? Networking? Absolutely because it’s not what you know it’s who you know…as it really always has been. Learning something new? Yes…do that too, you never know how it may help, but it very well could…even basket weaving could be an in somewhere.

Hobbies…if nothing else to occupy your mind…and feed your soul.

Therapy if you need it…

Because…

The longer you are unemployed…the more shitty you start to feel. And no one enjoys feeling like shit.

It’s not easy trying to keep your joy…it’s damn hard.

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Some things are best left unpublished…

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Sometimes I will begin a post, read it through and then delete it…

These are the posts that fall under best left unpublished…

I write things just to get them off my chest, and out of my head, a form of Catharsis  if you will, I feel better for having written it and still have not opened a discussion that I really am not ready to have at this point. It is enough that I have aired them out. I don’t generally keep them either…no sense in tempting fate.

I am not opposed to publishing thoughts and feelings on situations and the like, but when it comes to those nearest my heart, such as my religious views and political leanings, I have found little use, and less comfort in public discussions as there are those who delight in brow beating people until they are conceded their stance, which is of zero use to anyone.

 

 

 

Dogs…

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I have mentioned previously that I have dogs…

Two to be exact…

They are my heart…they drive me bonkers but they are my heart.

These are from a few years ago when Tippy (L) was 5 and Miss Mia (R) was only about 4 months old.

 

 

 

These are more recent…and shows their age…Tippy is now 13 and Miss Mia is 8

 

 

 

Ma Famille…what is it really?

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Family…or as I call it Ma Famille

Tis the time of year that makes one think of family and what it truly means…

Family can be the bonds of blood…for those lucky enough to have a close knit family.

Family can be the bonds of something else…experience, shared interests or happy accidents.

a few Ma Famille’s I am blessed to have…

My wrestling boys – Craig, Paul, Chris, Oney, G-Rod, Ant, Carnage, HeelMahoney, Tom C, AcidBurn and BeardofTsu; love you to the moon and back.

My mentors…Peter, Jason, Dom, Bobby, Hank and the Banker. Thank you for your unending and unconditional support

My gaming crews of We Do Geek, Country Dragon Slayer, and The Guardians. Thank you for the laughs.

My Sisters from other Misters and Brothers from other Mothers: TN, Lady J, Nicole M, Laura E, Stacie W, Himanni, Cricket, Jazzy, Donna T, Joyce of the Pink Thermals, Maria in St. Louis, Carol M, Big Tom, Gorgeous Boy, Zombie Crew, the MedHat Peeps, the VanCity Crew and the SNOZZIES

And of course…Mom, Dad, Stace, the BIL, and the ninja three, the Hat Branches, the Van Island Gang.

Ma Famille…

is always what you make of it…

 

When you think there is nothing left to write about…that’s when you get to the real Nitty Gritty…

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I currently write news bits for an online wrestling magazine site…and have found myself with writers block once again…

I was standing in my kitchen this morning, wondering if I have run out of things to say.

In the semi-quiet…I say semi-quiet, I have dogs and as any dog owner knows, semi-quiet is as good as it gets…ever…in silent retrospect it came crashing in…there is always things to write about, but sometimes you need to write about things in the order they are in your brain…that perhaps you need to write about this…before you write about anything else.

An AHA! moment if you will…that instead of cramming yet another junkie item in my mouth, I write what is on my mind instead of trying to bury it with a sandwich cookie.

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I have spent years burying emotions with food…explains my weight problem that I have had since I was 6.

I eat not to feel…stress…anger…fear…anxiety…loss…confused…rejection…and it’s not good food I eat either…it’s the junk…cookies, chips, ice cream, chocolate, sweets…by the handful, eaten in the privacy of my bedroom, the girls room when I was in school, in a mad dash as I walked home from school, washed down with teeth rotting sodas. Telling fibs as to why my allowance was already spent. I am surprised I am not a diabetic at this point with all the sugary crap that I have shoved in my mouth until I am sick, so as not to feeling anything other than the stomach ache, and once that is gone, I continue to shove the junk back in my gob to keep the feelings at bay.

Self-defeating, because the feelings don’t go away, and the cake and ice cream become one more struggle in your life.

Instead…feel the feelings…the anger, the hurt, the grief, the confusion…feel them all. Embrace them, for feelings don’t always linger, some are only fleeting, but they all help us learn about ourselves.

Yes, they can overwhelm, and that’s okay to be overwhelmed by them. If you find that feeling the feelings puts you in a position to hurt yourself or someone else, please contact a distress line, therapist, or even your local emergency room.

You are not alone, no one is ever alone, there is always someone who wants to help you…and me.