I currently write news bits for an online wrestling magazine site…and have found myself with writers block once again…
I was standing in my kitchen this morning, wondering if I have run out of things to say.
In the semi-quiet…I say semi-quiet, I have dogs and as any dog owner knows, semi-quiet is as good as it gets…ever…in silent retrospect it came crashing in…there is always things to write about, but sometimes you need to write about things in the order they are in your brain…that perhaps you need to write about this…before you write about anything else.
An AHA! moment if you will…that instead of cramming yet another junkie item in my mouth, I write what is on my mind instead of trying to bury it with a sandwich cookie.
I have spent years burying emotions with food…explains my weight problem that I have had since I was 6.
I eat not to feel…stress…anger…fear…anxiety…loss…confused…rejection…and it’s not good food I eat either…it’s the junk…cookies, chips, ice cream, chocolate, sweets…by the handful, eaten in the privacy of my bedroom, the girls room when I was in school, in a mad dash as I walked home from school, washed down with teeth rotting sodas. Telling fibs as to why my allowance was already spent. I am surprised I am not a diabetic at this point with all the sugary crap that I have shoved in my mouth until I am sick, so as not to feeling anything other than the stomach ache, and once that is gone, I continue to shove the junk back in my gob to keep the feelings at bay.
Self-defeating, because the feelings don’t go away, and the cake and ice cream become one more struggle in your life.
Instead…feel the feelings…the anger, the hurt, the grief, the confusion…feel them all. Embrace them, for feelings don’t always linger, some are only fleeting, but they all help us learn about ourselves.
Yes, they can overwhelm, and that’s okay to be overwhelmed by them. If you find that feeling the feelings puts you in a position to hurt yourself or someone else, please contact a distress line, therapist, or even your local emergency room.
You are not alone, no one is ever alone, there is always someone who wants to help you…and me.