Creation is the game…

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We all create…

You heard me correctly…we all create.

Most assume that creation means building something or painting or a creative endeavor of some kind, this isn’t necessarily so.

Creation can be anything…everything.

We can create hope with just a word…

We can create despair with just a word…

We can create safety with one touch…

We can create danger with one action…

We all create…

 

 

 

 

The Art of Reconnecting and an Epiphany

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It started with a dream…

One of my nearest and dearest that I left behind when I left Vancouver showed up in a dream I had. Strange really since we hadn’t communicated in ages, but there he was, just as I remembered him to be. Stranger still because I rarely have dreams that I recall – and sometimes I wonder if I actually dream at all – but this one I did, and couldn’t shake the gut feeling that I should maybe reach out to him to see if he was doing alright and was happy . So as is often the case…I dithered about three days on whether I should act upon the gut feeling (Yes, Gorgeous Boy it took me three days to screw up the nerve to drop you a line…hard to believe since for nearly a year I saw you 5 days a week so you’d think it wouldn’t be an issue…but it was). I did get a response in the affirmative that everything was well and that he hoped I was too. An open ended item so of course I responded with an earlier epiphany that I had had while sitting in the ICU with my dad back in 2015.

That night as I lay awake in my bed wondering why I even remembered the dream in as much detail as I did, and the prompting I felt to actually touch base, another epiphany came home like a thunderbolt. I hadn’t actually thought about it until the wee hours of the morning, but when I left Vancouver, I pretty much dropped off the face of the map for those I had left behind, and I did leave them behind in a way. When you move, you leave people behind, these days with the myriad of ways to stay in touch with ones friends and family it feels less so, yet I didn’t communicate as much as I had done in the past with my peeps in AB when I was in Australia and my peeps in Australia when I was living everywhere else. Although as of late since I have moved home to AB in 2011, aside from a small number of people, I pretty much dropped off the face of the map for everyone.  It pains me to realize it is so, even as my all of my nearest and dearest are never far from my thoughts I have neglected the relationships…and I mean really neglected the relationships. While some argue they don’t want to be the only one making the effort, it could be in any case that the other person is giving as much as they could in the particular time, it could even been said of me these last several years (and it has been several). I have had mentors that I would talk to regularly that I have since drifted away from and not even realize it. Even my boys who I talk wrestling with I have disengaged with in a small amount.

It’s at this moment when I realize that I miss you all.

So it comes down to this…

The Art of Reconnecting

I mean really reconnecting, even if it’s at a base level

Because at the end of the day…the connections we have with one another is the most important thing of all.

Right…back to the unemployment line…one more time…

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So on Friday, November 4th my supervisor asks me to stay after a meeting. Let’s me know that it’s not working out and that I should take the next two weeks to find another job. Needless to say I was taken aback and did not respond as expected (I never do).

I spent the weekend calming down (and saying…Well Shit)…and resumed normal life on the Monday including going to work. At that point I was told that they are giving me two weeks notice but that my supervisor would have to talk to the service manager for details; as well as the supervisor kinda sucking up to me because he knows this is a bum deal he’s handing me right before Christmas. Monday passed without further ado. Tuesday is much the same…until just before I go home where I am advised they are not giving me two weeks and then laying me off – because if they lay me off they have to hire me back first before hiring someone else if they want to add to the team – they are in fact firing me…with severance of course; or I could just quit (and not get paid severance) – you can imagine which I took; I said, “Fire me, and pay me the week severance, since this is not my idea so there is no way I am going to quit.”

The next day I turned in my uniforms (hated those suckers; ill-fitting) and my keys. My supervisor commented that I seemed happier now that I know what is happening…

Well no shit…everyone is happier when they know what the hell is going on.

I got to say my good-byes and then left…only to be called back because my supervisor failed to do all the exit stuff in front of a manager…I obliged because I was trying to be classy about my exit as upset as I was about it.

This morning I had a mild panic attack because I had thought it had been weeks since my termination, but it actually hasn’t it has only be in essence 1 week. It’s amazing how the days can blend into one another.

I have had some interest in my resume, some I have applied for and some unsolicited (which makes a person feel rather good).

In this downtime (while unplanned is not unfortunate) I am regrouping and re-evaluating what it is I want to be doing. It also allows me to catch up on things and refocus the energy.

I am telling all this because I know there are others who are in the same boat as me…the exact same boat…and others who are in even leakier boats…and still others who are at the point where they are channeling Captain Jack Sparrow and merely standing on the cross-mast under the crows nest because their ship is pretty much sunk. But if you still have your footing on that cross-mast then you’ll be ok. It’s a scary place to be mind you, incredibly scary. But where we find ourselves on the Good Ship Unemployment can sometimes bring incredible change in who we are and what we can endure and what we can accomplish. Sometimes what seems the end can in fact be the beginning…

Embrace the beginnings…

Let go of the ends…

Let’s take that scary first step into the next great adventure.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Needs Must…

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I went back to the Temp agency I was with previously. Two months ago it wasn’t a consideration as I was still being bombarded by folks who figured that a full-time job is essential. And it is for some…but not for me. See, I have found a creative avenue to explore, one that should it take off, I want to be able to explore to the fullest. I can’t do that working full time for someone. Because working full time for someone comes with its own long list of requirements. Working at a Temp Agency comes with little requirements. Show up for work on time, dress as the part requires, do what the part requires (don’t sit with your thumb up your ass), fill out the required paperwork for the agency correctly, and then go home and live your life.

When I worked for the Temp Agency back at the beginning of the year, I was not in a great frame of mind and the conditions just about destroyed me. Now, having sorted through what was the underlying grief, I find myself in a better head space; where now…I show up and do the job, if I make a mistake, I correct it. But I don’t buy into the frenetic energy…I didn’t when I worked the service industry (my area was known as the Zen Den by some…because it was always so calm…) and I don’t buy into it now. Errors occur and some people treat it as if it was a giant catastrophe…when in fact it’s minor. I just shrug and say I’ll take care of it…because in the grand scheme of things it is no big deal. If my error is time consuming to correct; then I will go in early and correct it and eat the time as it was my error to begin with. I am not going to lose sleep over it…not these days. It is a means to an end; it’s to keep the money coming in while I focus on what I truly want to do.

Because sometimes Needs Must…and sometimes…it’s about not over thinking it.

…Or The Beginning

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So…ok…you’re now unemployed…

Bugger it all…and all that…

Here’s a new perspective…as scary as it might be…it’s also exciting…

…So exciting

…Uncharted Waters…

Ooooooh…possibilities…the mind boggles…oh how it boggles…if yours isn’t or doesn’t boggle…it’s OK…mine is boggling for you…

See as much as I am looking for a steady paycheque…there is a part of me that is itching to try something new…something scary…something that the 9-5 clan just quakes in fear over. This could be the moment…the opportunity to seize the…opportunity (seriously…bad dialogue…sorry). So I have stuck my proverbially big toe in the water and have found it to be fairly warm…mind you it’s only been a couple of weeks, but it’s enough to keep me going.

I was fortunate enough to ‘grow up’ in one of the largest telephone companies where I am from. As angry as I was when I left; I will forever be grateful for what I learned in that time. Skills that would have taken me years to learn else where. These skills are transferable to anything else I may wish to try my hand at; it also allowed me to become great friends with some of the best people I have ever known.

And leaving…regardless of how it went down…was the best thing to ever happen to me in the end. I got to live in Australia for a year; coming home I followed my dream and was a make-up artist for a time on the West Coast. Today I am looking to expand on that and go into creature creation and animatronics. On the side I am doing a bit of writing; someday I may get paid to do that as well. Who wouldn’t love that right?

Sometimes the Big Stage has the chains and it’s the small stage where freedom is found…living life on your own terms…so that when it’s your time again…the Big Stage won’t be able to hold you.

Amen to that…