We’re on a roll…and the choice is yours

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Each choice we make in life is a step in the direction our lives will take.

The biggest choice one has to make is do we travel towards the best version of ourselves or do we remain bogged down within ourselves held captive by our fears.

I have chosen the path of being the best version of me that I can be…

Which means showing up for my life and speaking my truth…

There are those out there who will not like me speaking my truth…and will do much in their power to shut me down…all I can say to that is…🖕🖕🏻🖕🏼🖕🏽🖕🏾🖕🏿.

Showing up…means setting up a nightly routine so I am refreshed and ready for the day and not dragging my ass like an old tired dog. I won’t say – get up at the same time everyday as I already do that…my wee mouser dog requires insulin injections twice a day at the same time every day. I’m notorious for staying up until 3 AM as I have issues with turning my brain off if you will.

Showing up…means working daily at my business especially when I really don’t feel like it and would rather curl up with a good book to pass the time.

Showing up…means living in my head less and living in the world me.

Showing up…means leaving my comfort zone and doing the things that need doing even if they are icky…because that’s the job.

Showing up…means embracing the fact that growing old ain’t for the faint at heart.

Showing up…means embracing who I am currently and forming me into who I want to be.

Showing up…means accepting others more and judging others less.

Showing up…means cutting myself some slack when I fall down.

Showing up…means….letting me…be myself.

It’s time to show up…

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2 Years…

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That’s how long it’s been since I have actually held a long term job…

Two years since I have been forced to re-evaluate my life and how I need to do life…the new normal if you will.

This past July I decided to start my own direct selling business as well as offering services to people for items they may require such as cards; wedding invitations; holiday packaging…etc. It’s scary to head out into the unknown…especially if you end up gripped…crippled by fear of the future…and of truly letting go of the past.

Letting go of the past is hard…I am currently in a challenge to do just that…and I will tell you first hand that it WILL leave you raw…cause you will be opening some unhealed and in a lot of our cases…gapping, gory wounds…wounds that have festered…rotting our souls with poison. Yet as with physical wounds that need to be cleaned of infection; so too does the infections in our souls. Infections that are the result of abuse, neglect, of losing our hope, our trust and our faith in ourselves. Last night I put voice to all the things that spin inside my head that has held me back the last 6 months from really gaining a foot hold in where I want to be and who I want to be. It was terrifying…and liberating all in one go. It is my goal to reconnect my faith and trust in myself.

I will keep you posted on my journey…

Peace.

Good Enough To F*CK…Too Fat To Date…

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At the start of the last contract job I had I decided to put myself out into the Dating Stream again. I signed up for a couple of online dating accounts…

If you want to destroy any confidence you have in yourself when it comes to this type of thing…join an online dating site. These are guaranteed to whittle away any self worth you possess.

I posted a ‘head shot’ on my profile; along with a couple of snaps of my cute doggo’s and my grubby pickup.

I was super jazzed with the responses from guys…

Telling me I am beautiful and sexy…how much fun it is to talk to me, how they love getting to know me…

Then I posted a full body photo of this bodaciously, voluptuous bod…and…

*Crickets*

Then…

‘So, you wanna hook up?’

*sigh*

I hear you loud and clear SINGLE guys…

‘I’ll totally f*ck you but no way in hell would I ever date you…’ is what you are telling me. When I called a would-be ‘partner’ out on this his response was ‘Fair Assessment.’ Alright…here is another fair assessment…’You’re Wasting My Time…’

Needless to say this dude is in the rear view mirror…’See Ya!’

Or…we’ll be rolling along well then…POOF!…they vanish. No response…nothing…and I’m here going…Well Shit…What did I do wrong? Was it something I said? This happens a lot…actually it happens every single time…and I have been assured that it wasn’t me, but when something consistently happens and the only constant in the equation is me…then Me is the issue.

Or perhaps its not?   I’m a fairly confident person, and I seem to have a knack for bouncing back from set backs. I sometimes wonder if these men on these dating sites see a large girl and think she’ll be grateful when some guy asks for a Hook Up. FYI fellas…we’re not grateful…we’re actually annoyed…even irritated by your arrogance.

There is always an exception…someone who not only Talks the Talk but Walks the Walk. Started talking to a guy – I’ll call him RoofTop Monkey Man (sounds better than Roof Butcher…or Eater of Spitz); seem to get on pretty well; even managed to survive one of my less than stellar moments when a GETFTFTD response from someone upset my calm (I am sorry about that dude, I usually can keep a handle on it) and yet for all his interest…he seems…Not Interested. I hope he hasn’t injured himself on the job again, I have no right to worry about him but I do. I hope one day he’ll talk to me more…until then…

I’ll sort through the ongoing messages of…

Good Enough To Fuck…Too Fat To Date…

 

 

 

 

The insufferable people who think you should agree with them…

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Ever notice that there are people out there who feel they can voice whatever opinion pops into their head but if you voice an opinion that runs counter to theirs instead of stepping back and considering the view point they brow beat you to get you on side?

This comes up quite frequently in hot topics…because apparently we as adults can’t seem to be adults. Be it religion or politics, sex or marriage rights, no one seems to be able to have a polite conversation, it always resorts to name calling…and folks the minute you drop the F word, or call someone a moron you have lost all credence in anything you say.

Not everyone is going to share your view point; deal with it.