Letting Go…Part 2

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Letting Go is hard…Be it a dream (and we do have to let go of some); a Career/Job; the Stuff we own or one of our Nearest and Dearests. This last one is the hardest thing you will ever have to do. Someone asked me what was the hardest thing I have ever done…I answered immediately…Sitting in the hospital room with my Grandma and saying that if she needed to let go…that we’d be okay. Still THE hardest thing I have ever done…second to that is Letting Go of my better gaming half – My Sweet Pig (still working on this one as it’s fresh…not that he’ll know…he won’t read this…I know that…why spend time deluding myself thinking otherwise – he probably won’t even read the last post though I sent a link…yet he may surprise me…I have been surprised by that type of thing before).

Letting Go…Breaks our hearts like no other thing imaginable – I include death in this; because you still have to let them go…and really have no choice in the matter…Death is like that; one of the great equalizers in life. Letting Go will in a lot of instances trigger Grief (such as with the aforementioned Death). Grief is also a great equalizer in life; it also has no best by date; it stays as long as it needs too. If you are grieving…let grief run it’s course…for however long it takes.

Letting Go takes work…lots of work…(okay…losing out on the lotto because they didn’t pick your numbers doesn’t take much to let go of since…well…not much you could do about that…) so I will add…In Most Cases.

My step-dad passed away in 2012…my mom still works on letting go of him in her mind and in her heart…they were only together 13 years but he was the love of her life; so the pain is still there. She left my dad in 1992 and 27 years later she still hasn’t let go of the stuff he did during that time…dad is the same…much to the determent of their health…I have no doubt that both suffer health ailments because they have deep seated resentment and anger towards each other…over stuff that happened a life time ago…holding on to illwill…its the Principal of it All…so they say…I say Poppycock. They need to start letting go of this stuff.

That’s another point I need to add on…sometimes letting go is exactly what the doctor ordered in order for you to move forward in life; to be able to pursue the future you hope for; you need to let go of the past that no longer serves you…be it things; jobs or people who are no longer walking the same path as you. You might see them on your path again – it’s why I hate saying good-bye…See You Down the Road sounds better…because maybe just maybe…you will see them again.

 

When You Discover That You Don’t Deserve Your Crew…

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I’m an online gamer…recently a portion of the team I am a part of decided to merge with another team. This merge was to be mutually beneficial. A Month in and it’s proving not the case.

I question everything…and I mean…EVERYTHING…everyone who has ever played a game with me knows I question everything. My previous team leaders have always taken it in stride. This team however…leadership expects blind obedience…if a player has a question they are not to post it on the main forum, instead they want separated side chats for clarification. Why not post it to the main forum…what if other people have the same damn question????

Amateur Hour…

So today I question a contest and took myself out of the contest. Leadership went absolutely bat shit. I mean ABSOLUTELY and COMPLETELY BAT SHIT. I got reprimanded not only in Leadership Chat by two of the leadership team…but also individually by the same two people in the leadership team…can we say OVERKILL?

So I elected to withdraw from the conversations as they were. I learned then how awesome my crew is…and how much I really don’t deserve them…but I am so happy to be a part of them. They went toe to toe with those in Leadership who went after me in the forums. No Holds Barred. They also went toe to toe with the remaining membership on my behalf.

I truly do not deserve my crew…but I am so very grateful to have them.

Ma Famille…what is it really?

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Family…or as I call it Ma Famille

Tis the time of year that makes one think of family and what it truly means…

Family can be the bonds of blood…for those lucky enough to have a close knit family.

Family can be the bonds of something else…experience, shared interests or happy accidents.

a few Ma Famille’s I am blessed to have…

My wrestling boys – Craig, Paul, Chris, Oney, G-Rod, Ant, Carnage, HeelMahoney, Tom C, AcidBurn and BeardofTsu; love you to the moon and back.

My mentors…Peter, Jason, Dom, Bobby, Hank and the Banker. Thank you for your unending and unconditional support

My gaming crews of We Do Geek, Country Dragon Slayer, and The Guardians. Thank you for the laughs.

My Sisters from other Misters and Brothers from other Mothers: TN, Lady J, Nicole M, Laura E, Stacie W, Himanni, Cricket, Jazzy, Donna T, Joyce of the Pink Thermals, Maria in St. Louis, Carol M, Big Tom, Gorgeous Boy, Zombie Crew, the MedHat Peeps, the VanCity Crew and the SNOZZIES

And of course…Mom, Dad, Stace, the BIL, and the ninja three, the Hat Branches, the Van Island Gang.

Ma Famille…

is always what you make of it…

 

Balls…Sometimes there is something so good about Good-Bye…and it is the easiest thing to say…

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Had a disagreement with a dear friend…

Well she disagreed with me at any rate…

All over a courtesy email regarding a 25 year old tin of seeds…

I thought she overacted…because she did…the whole situation had absolutely nothing to do with her…and yet she went completely off the reservation…

She had been a complete nasty bitch…

And I told her that…

It was a tin of seeds that were so old they were probably no longer viable…

And yet apparently a great injustice had happened, a great affront to parties (who she avoids) had been perpetrated, by someone she had a falling out with (not me…at this point…)

It was grab your torches and pitchforks time…justified by passages in the Bible, which she was quite clear in pointing out. She does that a lot, contorts the Bible as an excuse to be a bitch. She does conveniently forget the areas of the Bible that directly contradicts her actions.

So during this freak-out, I also informed her I could no longer consul her on her traumatic past – a properly certified therapist would be the better option – nor could I continue to give advice on her marriage – because I am not married – and nor could I give advise on her child – because I don’t have any – so I have very  little I can contribute to that.

She came back with – Is that how you really feel? You devalue yourself that much?

This immediately got my backup; I was like who the hell are you?

I did respond in that my lack of experience in these matters does not mean I devalue myself.

She also accused me of kicking a dog when it’s down (meaning her). Only in her own mind was she a victim in this sense.

She then decided to change email addresses and sent a message saying if I wanted the new one then I needed to ask for it…even as her ‘best friend’ I still have to jump through hopes to prove my worthiness…I haven’t asked for it…and I never will…I don’t want it.

This whole thing…

It got me thinking of our friendship…

She’s dangerous…

Manipulative and Conniving…

Dressed up as a hippy dippy silly girl…

It was small things at first…eating my food, but not sharing hers. Not paying for anything outside her needs in the apartment we shared, so I was the one buying toilet paper, dish soap, cleaning supplies, etc. She used it all, but never bought it, Same with any freebies I got from work, one night even eating an entire baguette to herself.  She once consumed the entire contents of a hot chocolate container in a week (I had only one cup); and then would make comments about how wouldn’t it be nice if we had more – didn’t go out to replace it mind you; her with her $20/hr job; nope she expected me to go pay for it on my $8/hr minimum wage job. Bread and Milk, she used…never replaced. Then had the audacity to comment on how she would get mad when she’d go to use something and I had used the last of it. Umm…no…I never used the last of anything you bought, I always made sure there was at least a serving and a half of anything that you rarely contributed to the household…maybe pay attention to what you are using…stupid woman. Then it went to using my computer to work online and stuff because she had deleted all usable programs off her computer because she didn’t think she needed them. Ultimately turning my fairly new computer (a year old) – purchased from the Ombudsmen Office at UBC – into a boat anchor because she downloaded a virus. (oops…tee hee…stupid woman).  Gifting me stuff then asking for it back because she actually wanted it after all. Buying me licorice as a treat and then eating most of it on the bus ride to come see me. Calling me a bitch because I had the nerve to ask her why she turned the stove off, dumped the kettle and then refilled it and put it back on the stove, after I had just filled the kettle and put it on the stove. Dropping anchor at my Gran’s house in MDHT, and treating it like a hotel. Correcting my elderly, Alzheimer suffering Gran when she used the word Lucky. Having the kids that use to live in the foster home she use to work at come and crash at our apartment; even when they had violent people looking for them, or with them.

If I wasn’t on-board with her plans she became quite verbally abusive. When I pointed this out during our falling out she claimed she had no memory of this but if that is what I remember then she is sorry. Selective Memory…nice…

She is the author of her own sad tale…

Since we both moved to Alberta; I have seen her 3 times in the last 6 years, the last time being 4 years ago.

I was suppose to be the Godmother of her child, my gut told me to decline, but I accepted as we were still ‘best friends’, I regretted saying yes immediately…I wanted no obligations to her. Her son is almost 3 and I have yet to even meet him…

I haven’t spoken to her since June…and I don’t miss her…

I still have her on Facebook…but not Pinterest…she un-followed me…when I don’t know…nor do I care.

Since it’s been 3 1/2 months since our last contact, I will be removing her from my social media accounts effective immediately…

Should be strangely cathartic…

 

 

 

50 Years…and the return of the Three Musketeers…

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Yesterday I went to a wedding anniversary…

Laureen and Jim were married June 24th, 1967. They have 3 daughters and 3 grandchildren. They have had their triumphs…and they have had their struggles and yet through it all, they held tight to one another. My mom commented to the peeps at our table that she couldn’t comprehend spending 50 years with the same man. Mind you, my mom has had 4 husbands so take that as you like. Laureen and Jim were obviously well suited to one another as their interactions with one another over the years can attest.

This milestone is well worth celebrating.

Laureen is a long time friend of my mom’s; they met in 1976 when my older sister went into Brownies (Girl Guides), Laureen was ‘Brown Owl’ of my sisters Brownie Pack. I don’t recall Laureen not being a part of our lives, both as kids and now as adults, also at the celebration was another long time friend; Donna;. who mentioned while sitting with my mom and I that it was the first time in a long time that she had laughed. The same could be said about my mom as of late; she doesn’t really laugh anymore. Heavily into being leaders with the Girl Guides organization, the three were always together…always. Camps, Events, Trips, Cookie Selling…and if it wasn’t Guiding it was always something else, didn’t matter. While the three had drifted apart slightly due to changing life circumstances; yesterday found these long time friends reconnect, the Three Musketeers are together again.