Good Enough To F*CK…Too Fat To Date…

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At the start of the last contract job I had I decided to put myself out into the Dating Stream again. I signed up for a couple of online dating accounts…

If you want to destroy any confidence you have in yourself when it comes to this type of thing…join an online dating site. These are guaranteed to whittle away any self worth you possess.

I posted a ‘head shot’ on my profile; along with a couple of snaps of my cute doggo’s and my grubby pickup.

I was super jazzed with the responses from guys…

Telling me I am beautiful and sexy…how much fun it is to talk to me, how they love getting to know me…

Then I posted a full body photo of this bodaciously, voluptuous bod…and…

*Crickets*

Then…

‘So, you wanna hook up?’

*sigh*

I hear you loud and clear SINGLE guys…

‘I’ll totally f*ck you but no way in hell would I ever date you…’ is what you are telling me. When I called a would-be ‘partner’ out on this his response was ‘Fair Assessment.’ Alright…here is another fair assessment…’You’re Wasting My Time…’

Needless to say this dude is in the rear view mirror…’See Ya!’

Or…we’ll be rolling along well then…POOF!…they vanish. No response…nothing…and I’m here going…Well Shit…What did I do wrong? Was it something I said? This happens a lot…actually it happens every single time…and I have been assured that it wasn’t me, but when something consistently happens and the only constant in the equation is me…then Me is the issue.

Or perhaps its not?   I’m a fairly confident person, and I seem to have a knack for bouncing back from set backs. I sometimes wonder if these men on these dating sites see a large girl and think she’ll be grateful when some guy asks for a Hook Up. FYI fellas…we’re not grateful…we’re actually annoyed…even irritated by your arrogance.

There is always an exception…someone who not only Talks the Talk but Walks the Walk. Started talking to a guy – I’ll call him RoofTop Monkey Man (sounds better than Roof Butcher…or Eater of Spitz); seem to get on pretty well; even managed to survive one of my less than stellar moments when a GETFTFTD response from someone upset my calm (I am sorry about that dude, I usually can keep a handle on it) and yet for all his interest…he seems…Not Interested. I hope he hasn’t injured himself on the job again, I have no right to worry about him but I do. I hope one day he’ll talk to me more…until then…

I’ll sort through the ongoing messages of…

Good Enough To Fuck…Too Fat To Date…

 

 

 

 

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When You Don’t Fit The Mold…

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Amazing the small things that make you realize that things aren’t quite right…

Tonight I was changing the bed linen; weekly thing you understand…but tonight was different. I pulled out a long disused doona (duvet) cover, one I used when I was home last time. Haven’t used it much this time home as I have been using ones my mom had gifted me. Same with the quilt on my bed, one my mom made. Tonight I switched it out to the one I had on my bed before my latest return. Suddenly the vibe changed, it was as if I had come back from an extended trip, even though I have lived in this house for 3 years. As much I do like the other items…they aren’t really ME. I felt a strange sense of peace…which I haven’t had in ages. Almost as if the essence of ME had been tucked away in the trunk with these linens.

It made me realize what has been trying to get my attention all along…I don’t fit in the mold that others (more specifically…My Mother) feel I should be in. I have seen glimpses of where I should be here and there…but for the most part I have been trying to stuff myself into a life that isn’t for me to live.

I returned the quilt to my mother…and I felt a weight lift off my shoulders…the doona cover will go into the trunk once it’s been washed…and I will carry on down the path meant for me.

 

 

 

Amazing What You Learn…

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When you step out of the usual…

 

I have learned that people are completely ridiculous. That the general public seem to think they can treat people who serve others like pieces of trash is quite frankly appalling. That businesses do actually have to post signs saying verbal abuse of staff is not tolerated because the general public don’t think twice about verbally abusing the person they are facing – who incidentally had nothing to do with the situation the client is currently in they were just the unfortunate soul who was working at the front desk.

I learned exactly what I bring to the ‘Table’ as it were when it comes to getting the job done – regardless of what people say, I have the skills still…and no amount of time is going to change that; nor will a piece of paper enhance that – and that getting the job done without fan fair gets noticed.

I have learned that contract work isn’t as bad as I once thought and that full-time at one company for an extended period of time isn’t as appealing as it’s made out to be.

I have learned that even if the ‘Captain’ of the ‘Ship’ is a complete twit; the ‘Crew’ can still get the job done if enough of the ‘Crew’ knows what they are doing.

I have learned that when you change your ‘course’ those around you will sometimes try and change you back to your old heading…but stay the ‘new course’ for it may be the adventure of a life time.

 

Late Night Musings…

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Baby it’s cold outside…

We finally have snow that seems to be sticking around…for now. Can’t complain as it is middle of November and we have been most fortunate in that. Perhaps being unemployed is a good thing right now…don’t have to go out in it; don’t have to clear off my truck…don’t have to worry about other people on the road…then again…I am quite fortunate to get the opportunity to do just that, going out in the cold…sweeping off my old truck and heading out on the road with people who are probably just as worried as I am.

Had the fire going for a bit tonight; a nice treat on a cold night…add in a cup of cocoa and it’s almost perfect…

It’s quiet tonight; dogs have gone to bed early and no one is out on the street. My old truck sits in the drive way; a thin layer of snow across the windscreen and hood. A silent sentinel in front of the house. Lights are on in the neighbours houses along the street, and they go out one by one as everyone heads to bed.

I guess I should too…

Sleep Well…

Tomorrow is a New Day…