Balls…Sometimes there is something so good about Good-Bye…and it is the easiest thing to say…

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Had a disagreement with a dear friend…

Well she disagreed with me at any rate…

All over a courtesy email regarding a 25 year old tin of seeds…

I thought she overacted…because she did…the whole situation had absolutely nothing to do with her…and yet she went completely off the reservation…

She had been a complete nasty bitch…

And I told her that…

It was a tin of seeds that were so old they were probably no longer viable…

And yet apparently a great injustice had happened, a great affront to parties (who she avoids) had been perpetrated, by someone she had a falling out with (not me…at this point…)

It was grab your torches and pitchforks time…justified by passages in the Bible, which she was quite clear in pointing out. She does that a lot, contorts the Bible as an excuse to be a bitch. She does conveniently forget the areas of the Bible that directly contradicts her actions.

So during this freak-out, I also informed her I could no longer consul her on her traumatic past – a properly certified therapist would be the better option – nor could I continue to give advice on her marriage – because I am not married – and nor could I give advise on her child – because I don’t have any – so I have very  little I can contribute to that.

She came back with – Is that how you really feel? You devalue yourself that much?

This immediately got my backup; I was like who the hell are you?

I did respond in that my lack of experience in these matters does not mean I devalue myself.

She also accused me of kicking a dog when it’s down (meaning her). Only in her own mind was she a victim in this sense.

She then decided to change email addresses and sent a message saying if I wanted the new one then I needed to ask for it…even as her ‘best friend’ I still have to jump through hopes to prove my worthiness…I haven’t asked for it…and I never will…I don’t want it.

This whole thing…

It got me thinking of our friendship…

She’s dangerous…

Manipulative and Conniving…

Dressed up as a hippy dippy silly girl…

It was small things at first…eating my food, but not sharing hers. Not paying for anything outside her needs in the apartment we shared, so I was the one buying toilet paper, dish soap, cleaning supplies, etc. She used it all, but never bought it, Same with any freebies I got from work, one night even eating an entire baguette to herself.  She once consumed the entire contents of a hot chocolate container in a week (I had only one cup); and then would make comments about how wouldn’t it be nice if we had more – didn’t go out to replace it mind you; her with her $20/hr job; nope she expected me to go pay for it on my $8/hr minimum wage job. Bread and Milk, she used…never replaced. Then had the audacity to comment on how she would get mad when she’d go to use something and I had used the last of it. Umm…no…I never used the last of anything you bought, I always made sure there was at least a serving and a half of anything that you rarely contributed to the household…maybe pay attention to what you are using…stupid woman. Then it went to using my computer to work online and stuff because she had deleted all usable programs off her computer because she didn’t think she needed them. Ultimately turning my fairly new computer (a year old) – purchased from the Ombudsmen Office at UBC – into a boat anchor because she downloaded a virus. (oops…tee hee…stupid woman).  Gifting me stuff then asking for it back because she actually wanted it after all. Buying me licorice as a treat and then eating most of it on the bus ride to come see me. Calling me a bitch because I had the nerve to ask her why she turned the stove off, dumped the kettle and then refilled it and put it back on the stove, after I had just filled the kettle and put it on the stove. Dropping anchor at my Gran’s house in MDHT, and treating it like a hotel. Correcting my elderly, Alzheimer suffering Gran when she used the word Lucky. Having the kids that use to live in the foster home she use to work at come and crash at our apartment; even when they had violent people looking for them, or with them.

If I wasn’t on-board with her plans she became quite verbally abusive. When I pointed this out during our falling out she claimed she had no memory of this but if that is what I remember then she is sorry. Selective Memory…nice…

She is the author of her own sad tale…

Since we both moved to Alberta; I have seen her 3 times in the last 6 years, the last time being 4 years ago.

I was suppose to be the Godmother of her child, my gut told me to decline, but I accepted as we were still ‘best friends’, I regretted saying yes immediately…I wanted no obligations to her. Her son is almost 3 and I have yet to even meet him…

I haven’t spoken to her since June…and I don’t miss her…

I still have her on Facebook…but not Pinterest…she un-followed me…when I don’t know…nor do I care.

Since it’s been 3 1/2 months since our last contact, I will be removing her from my social media accounts effective immediately…

Should be strangely cathartic…

 

 

 

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When You Outgrow People…

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And they outgrow you…

It’s all part of that Reason…Season…Lifetime thing…

People we meet in our lives, some we grow with forever, some we grow with for only a short time…and some are the reasons we grow at all…

You see, as we go through life we’ll meet all kinds of people, and when we start out we think; ‘Yes! we’re going to be friends for life!!!’ Sometimes you’re right…and sometimes it works out differently.

I was friends with a girl starting in Jr. High; met her through the Drum Corps I was in. Nice girl, joined a group I was sitting with as we ate lunch, started talking, and pretty soon after that we were fast friends. After awhile I thought I had a life long friend in her. I was wrong…

Fast forward 15 years…we fell apart…so much so that I was dropped from her wedding party by her fiancé via an eCard from Hallmark, and when I called…she would only respond by email. I was incredibly hurt by this, so I didn’t attend the wedding…and aside from forwarding pictures shortly there after and one message before I moved to Australia I have had no contact with her. While I do hope she is well – she was a dear friend while she was in my life – in the ensuing years I have come to realize that our fallout was inevitable. Things that I made excuses for actually annoyed me, things that I accepted as ‘That’s Who She Is’ turned out to be…’That’s Who She Is With Me…’ because she wasn’t like that with anyone else. In the end it is obvious we had outgrown one another…

It happens in everyone’s life…we outgrow people…and they outgrow us. It’s not because we’ve stopped growing or they’ve stopped growing it’s merely that your respective ‘vines’ are now growing in different directions. This becomes quite evident when there is an atmosphere of feeling used. We’ve all experienced this, you’re merrily going along in life when little by little people who you assumed were your friends start to take advantage of you. They invite you along on outings not because they enjoy your company but because they need a body for numbers – and haven’t we all been here at some point in our lives?

It hurts when it happens…and it’s hard to let go…

But at the end of the day…

We do have to let go…