Tired…

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I know what it means to be tired…but not everyone does…

I am not talking about being physically tired…everyone knows about that…

I am talking emotional tiredness when the people you love or events in your life take you on that roller coaster…the one that has so many ups and downs you feel sick and your head spins and you want to get off of it but you can’t.

I am talking mental tiredness; where you are so busy keeping track of everything; and having to come up with solutions to problems you didn’t even know you had.

I am talking spiritual tiredness…you keep trying to fight the good fight…but you wonder how much longer you can go on; and just how much more you can take.

That’s the tiredness I am talking about. Manalive…I know that kind of TIRED.

Those days where it takes everything you have just to drag your ass out of bed; and you stand before the mirror and say…Mission accomplished…everything else is gravy…!!! Yep…those kind of days…

Then there are those other tired days where the only thing you accomplish is not shitting the bed.

I have had both…some more often then others…but I have had them.

The days where I silently ask God…so what exactly is your agenda here…?

I’ll let you in on a little secret…

It’s ok to be that tired…

…Trust Me.

I found that often times my tiredness comes from the fact I had fallen down in the self-care area. Self-care is so important; especially when you are in troubled times. There have been occasions in my life where I have taken something more to heart than I should have; or was intended and then I stew about it…Oh Lord can I stew about something…like a bulldog with an old bone I am; I just chew and chew on it; roll it over in my mind until its good and ragged…and I am good and charged, like a cherry bomb with a lit short fuse! Talk about making myself T-I-R-E-D!

But a lot of tiredness can come from just having one thing on top of another come at you; and you just don’t have time to even stop and breathe let alone do a spot of self-care. Boy Howdy I have been there too; just Bam! Bam! A One- Two punch and KO’d for the 1…2…3…

And we humans…we do work ourselves into a tizzy when we get hit with bad thing after bad thing after bad thing. WooHaw…you should see me if I don’t take the heat out of a situation; it’s full tilt boogie with both barrels firing. I am sure people get scared when I blow through at full swing.

Talk about making myself T-I-R-E-D!

And in my case…it’s usually all for naught and I am left laughing my ass off at my own hubris…mostly.

Then there is that Tiredness that you have…even when you do self-care; and take the heat out. That tiredness that is soul deep where you just feel like giving up…I have been here as well. However if you can pull your ass out of bed to at least use the bathroom; you will be alright. (If you are shitting in your bed…then pick up that phone and get help…seriously…we need you here…we can’t get by without you.)

Life in this world is an uphill battle; especially if you seem to always be behind the 8 ball. I can’t tell you it’ll get better; because I tell you true…I still have my days where it takes all I have to get my ass out of bed and in front of that mirror.

What keeps me going…is faith…that tomorrow will be a little easier than today…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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