Creation is the game…

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We all create…

You heard me correctly…we all create.

Most assume that creation means building something or painting or a creative endeavor of some kind, this isn’t necessarily so.

Creation can be anything…everything.

We can create hope with just a word…

We can create despair with just a word…

We can create safety with one touch…

We can create danger with one action…

We all create…

 

 

 

 

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The Art of Reconnecting and an Epiphany

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It started with a dream…

One of my nearest and dearest that I left behind when I left Vancouver showed up in a dream I had. Strange really since we hadn’t communicated in ages, but there he was, just as I remembered him to be. Stranger still because I rarely have dreams that I recall – and sometimes I wonder if I actually dream at all – but this one I did, and couldn’t shake the gut feeling that I should maybe reach out to him to see if he was doing alright and was happy . So as is often the case…I dithered about three days on whether I should act upon the gut feeling (Yes, Gorgeous Boy it took me three days to screw up the nerve to drop you a line…hard to believe since for nearly a year I saw you 5 days a week so you’d think it wouldn’t be an issue…but it was). I did get a response in the affirmative that everything was well and that he hoped I was too. An open ended item so of course I responded with an earlier epiphany that I had had while sitting in the ICU with my dad back in 2015.

That night as I lay awake in my bed wondering why I even remembered the dream in as much detail as I did, and the prompting I felt to actually touch base, another epiphany came home like a thunderbolt. I hadn’t actually thought about it until the wee hours of the morning, but when I left Vancouver, I pretty much dropped off the face of the map for those I had left behind, and I did leave them behind in a way. When you move, you leave people behind, these days with the myriad of ways to stay in touch with ones friends and family it feels less so, yet I didn’t communicate as much as I had done in the past with my peeps in AB when I was in Australia and my peeps in Australia when I was living everywhere else. Although as of late since I have moved home to AB in 2011, aside from a small number of people, I pretty much dropped off the face of the map for everyone.  It pains me to realize it is so, even as my all of my nearest and dearest are never far from my thoughts I have neglected the relationships…and I mean really neglected the relationships. While some argue they don’t want to be the only one making the effort, it could be in any case that the other person is giving as much as they could in the particular time, it could even been said of me these last several years (and it has been several). I have had mentors that I would talk to regularly that I have since drifted away from and not even realize it. Even my boys who I talk wrestling with I have disengaged with in a small amount.

It’s at this moment when I realize that I miss you all.

So it comes down to this…

The Art of Reconnecting

I mean really reconnecting, even if it’s at a base level

Because at the end of the day…the connections we have with one another is the most important thing of all.

Loss of Confidence…

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And trying to find it again…

You can lose your confidence in all sorts of ways.

An Event…

A Person…(or people)…

An event can undermine your confidence in how you do and/or handle things.

A person (or people)…can undermine your confidence in EVERYTHING.

It’s easy to lose your confidence…

Getting it back…that’s harder.

You second guess yourself, you shy away from putting yourself out there, your mind only playing the negative soundtrack that has been built inside your head. You fear reaching out to people in a bid for help because you may think…’Why would they help me?’ Not wanting to bother people who have offered to help on their own time because you don’t want to seem a nuisance (for those of you who have offered to help someone, remember to make good on your offer, if you got sidetracked, that’s on you…not on them. And don’t use the excuse – I’m busy…everyone’s busy, if you are that busy tell the person that you are sorry you are unable to actually help them at this time, but don’t leave them hanging…)

Its hard to get the traction back…

I know…I am currently trying to get my traction back…

I have been hanging on to a dream for the better part of 12 years. That’s a long time to hang on to a dream and not have given up on it. I have had people who have said, its’ not realistic’, ‘You’re wasting your time’, ‘You’re more suited to office work,’ and the list goes on.

** I spent 10 years working in a cubicle in an office, a small cog. I was damn good at my job, and still I was fired. Why? Because of people who felt that a COG should know her place. **

(The better part of a decade since then, I still don’t know my place.)

So now I am at a cross roads…

Do I let the people who are critical keep their foot hold?

Or do I reach out a hand for help and get back on track?

The answer is fairly obvious isn’t it?

In the words of Elvis Presley….

Follow That Dream…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Late Night Musings…

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Baby it’s cold outside…

We finally have snow that seems to be sticking around…for now. Can’t complain as it is middle of November and we have been most fortunate in that. Perhaps being unemployed is a good thing right now…don’t have to go out in it; don’t have to clear off my truck…don’t have to worry about other people on the road…then again…I am quite fortunate to get the opportunity to do just that, going out in the cold…sweeping off my old truck and heading out on the road with people who are probably just as worried as I am.

Had the fire going for a bit tonight; a nice treat on a cold night…add in a cup of cocoa and it’s almost perfect…

It’s quiet tonight; dogs have gone to bed early and no one is out on the street. My old truck sits in the drive way; a thin layer of snow across the windscreen and hood. A silent sentinel in front of the house. Lights are on in the neighbours houses along the street, and they go out one by one as everyone heads to bed.

I guess I should too…

Sleep Well…

Tomorrow is a New Day…

 

 

It Must Be Christmas…

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The Christmas Movies have already started…

The Christmas decorations in retail spaces have been up since well before Halloween.

Christmas Albums were released back in October…

WTF?

Are we in that big of a need for this gigantic jump start on the silly season?

Right…back to the unemployment line…one more time…

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So on Friday, November 4th my supervisor asks me to stay after a meeting. Let’s me know that it’s not working out and that I should take the next two weeks to find another job. Needless to say I was taken aback and did not respond as expected (I never do).

I spent the weekend calming down (and saying…Well Shit)…and resumed normal life on the Monday including going to work. At that point I was told that they are giving me two weeks notice but that my supervisor would have to talk to the service manager for details; as well as the supervisor kinda sucking up to me because he knows this is a bum deal he’s handing me right before Christmas. Monday passed without further ado. Tuesday is much the same…until just before I go home where I am advised they are not giving me two weeks and then laying me off – because if they lay me off they have to hire me back first before hiring someone else if they want to add to the team – they are in fact firing me…with severance of course; or I could just quit (and not get paid severance) – you can imagine which I took; I said, “Fire me, and pay me the week severance, since this is not my idea so there is no way I am going to quit.”

The next day I turned in my uniforms (hated those suckers; ill-fitting) and my keys. My supervisor commented that I seemed happier now that I know what is happening…

Well no shit…everyone is happier when they know what the hell is going on.

I got to say my good-byes and then left…only to be called back because my supervisor failed to do all the exit stuff in front of a manager…I obliged because I was trying to be classy about my exit as upset as I was about it.

This morning I had a mild panic attack because I had thought it had been weeks since my termination, but it actually hasn’t it has only be in essence 1 week. It’s amazing how the days can blend into one another.

I have had some interest in my resume, some I have applied for and some unsolicited (which makes a person feel rather good).

In this downtime (while unplanned is not unfortunate) I am regrouping and re-evaluating what it is I want to be doing. It also allows me to catch up on things and refocus the energy.

I am telling all this because I know there are others who are in the same boat as me…the exact same boat…and others who are in even leakier boats…and still others who are at the point where they are channeling Captain Jack Sparrow and merely standing on the cross-mast under the crows nest because their ship is pretty much sunk. But if you still have your footing on that cross-mast then you’ll be ok. It’s a scary place to be mind you, incredibly scary. But where we find ourselves on the Good Ship Unemployment can sometimes bring incredible change in who we are and what we can endure and what we can accomplish. Sometimes what seems the end can in fact be the beginning…

Embrace the beginnings…

Let go of the ends…

Let’s take that scary first step into the next great adventure.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Late Nights…and Strange Sights…

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I attended Make-Up School a few years back and I still have my male mannequin head from when I was learning to trim beards (yes…facial hair is in the realm of the make-up artist not the hair person). It’s currently sitting on its stand on my workbench as it has long hair and I sometimes use it to practice hair styles that require a degree in architecture. It freaks people out as they think someone is sitting there.

I am dragging my feet in moving it to another spot because I find it hilarious…