So you want to be immortal?

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Former friend said he wanted to be immortal…to establish a legacy…

my response: stop playing video games, get off the couch and get out there.

his response (after humiliating me on social media): you’re being condescending and I demand an apology…

my response: Unfriend on FB…

Spending a week on the couch playing World Of WarCraft because you are unemployed and are content to live off benefits until you can’t isn’t downtime…it’s laziness. You want to be immortal….it’s called repping 24/7.

It’s called working everyday to be better than the day before, and finding new ways to improve tomorrow. Even if it’s just reading an article on your favourite subject or seeing a documentary on something you are passionate about. DO SOMETHING EVERYDAY to better yourself…EVERYDAY.

Legacy takes work…Immortality even more so…

Both require you to be repping 24/7.

Even for us rank amateurs…

 

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Balls…Sometimes there is something so good about Good-Bye…and it is the easiest thing to say…

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Had a disagreement with a dear friend…

Well she disagreed with me at any rate…

All over a courtesy email regarding a 25 year old tin of seeds…

I thought she overacted…because she did…the whole situation had absolutely nothing to do with her…and yet she went completely off the reservation…

She had been a complete nasty bitch…

And I told her that…

It was a tin of seeds that were so old they were probably no longer viable…

And yet apparently a great injustice had happened, a great affront to parties (who she avoids) had been perpetrated, by someone she had a falling out with (not me…at this point…)

It was grab your torches and pitchforks time…justified by passages in the Bible, which she was quite clear in pointing out. She does that a lot, contorts the Bible as an excuse to be a bitch. She does conveniently forget the areas of the Bible that directly contradicts her actions.

So during this freak-out, I also informed her I could no longer consul her on her traumatic past – a properly certified therapist would be the better option – nor could I continue to give advice on her marriage – because I am not married – and nor could I give advise on her child – because I don’t have any – so I have very  little I can contribute to that.

She came back with – Is that how you really feel? You devalue yourself that much?

This immediately got my backup; I was like who the hell are you?

I did respond in that my lack of experience in these matters does not mean I devalue myself.

She also accused me of kicking a dog when it’s down (meaning her). Only in her own mind was she a victim in this sense.

She then decided to change email addresses and sent a message saying if I wanted the new one then I needed to ask for it…even as her ‘best friend’ I still have to jump through hopes to prove my worthiness…I haven’t asked for it…and I never will…I don’t want it.

This whole thing…

It got me thinking of our friendship…

She’s dangerous…

Manipulative and Conniving…

Dressed up as a hippy dippy silly girl…

It was small things at first…eating my food, but not sharing hers. Not paying for anything outside her needs in the apartment we shared, so I was the one buying toilet paper, dish soap, cleaning supplies, etc. She used it all, but never bought it, Same with any freebies I got from work, one night even eating an entire baguette to herself.  She once consumed the entire contents of a hot chocolate container in a week (I had only one cup); and then would make comments about how wouldn’t it be nice if we had more – didn’t go out to replace it mind you; her with her $20/hr job; nope she expected me to go pay for it on my $8/hr minimum wage job. Bread and Milk, she used…never replaced. Then had the audacity to comment on how she would get mad when she’d go to use something and I had used the last of it. Umm…no…I never used the last of anything you bought, I always made sure there was at least a serving and a half of anything that you rarely contributed to the household…maybe pay attention to what you are using…stupid woman. Then it went to using my computer to work online and stuff because she had deleted all usable programs off her computer because she didn’t think she needed them. Ultimately turning my fairly new computer (a year old) – purchased from the Ombudsmen Office at UBC – into a boat anchor because she downloaded a virus. (oops…tee hee…stupid woman).  Gifting me stuff then asking for it back because she actually wanted it after all. Buying me licorice as a treat and then eating most of it on the bus ride to come see me. Calling me a bitch because I had the nerve to ask her why she turned the stove off, dumped the kettle and then refilled it and put it back on the stove, after I had just filled the kettle and put it on the stove. Dropping anchor at my Gran’s house in MDHT, and treating it like a hotel. Correcting my elderly, Alzheimer suffering Gran when she used the word Lucky. Having the kids that use to live in the foster home she use to work at come and crash at our apartment; even when they had violent people looking for them, or with them.

If I wasn’t on-board with her plans she became quite verbally abusive. When I pointed this out during our falling out she claimed she had no memory of this but if that is what I remember then she is sorry. Selective Memory…nice…

She is the author of her own sad tale…

Since we both moved to Alberta; I have seen her 3 times in the last 6 years, the last time being 4 years ago.

I was suppose to be the Godmother of her child, my gut told me to decline, but I accepted as we were still ‘best friends’, I regretted saying yes immediately…I wanted no obligations to her. Her son is almost 3 and I have yet to even meet him…

I haven’t spoken to her since June…and I don’t miss her…

I still have her on Facebook…but not Pinterest…she un-followed me…when I don’t know…nor do I care.

Since it’s been 3 1/2 months since our last contact, I will be removing her from my social media accounts effective immediately…

Should be strangely cathartic…

 

 

 

Dementia…

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There have been spots on TV about dementia; the sufferers and the families that care for them.

I can’t go into great detail about the medical jargon and studies about it as it’s over my head. But I can go into detail about day to day with a dementia sufferer.

My paternal Grandma – Kay – has dementia. Not that she is aware of it; and will vehemently deny that she has it, but has it she does. Dementia shares some things with Alzheimer’s; memory loss and the like. My maternal Grandma – Dee – had Alzheimer’s. The similarities are such that I marvel that doctor’s can make the distinction between the two in a patient.

I will not bore you with the details of the similarities and differences of the two mental diseases. This is not the place for comparison.

My grandma still remembers our names; and what face that name belongs too…for the time being. Her mother before her (my great-grandma Rachel) also suffered from dementia (could have been Alzheimer’s but consensus has it as dementia) and I remember the day when my great-grandma looked at me and said “I don’t know who you are…” that broke my heart. I know that in the not so distant future that day will come for my grandma – Kay – when she’ll look at me and say she doesn’t know who I am.

I moved in with my grandma last year amidst the floods of 2013 in Alberta. We are most fortunate in that we live on a hill and should we ever be flooded out; our town will be wiped off the face of the map along with most of Southern Alberta. At the time I did not realize that the dementia was as bad as it is.

Her short term memory is gone…period. I had gone to look after my mom’s dogs for a month; and she has no recollection that I had ever left; zero recollection of her week in the hospital after a fall; no memory of my cousin and one of my aunts staying overnight after she was released from the hospital while I was away. Her release was contingent on someone being with her; she can no longer be left alone for long periods of time; anything over 2 hours requires someone to come and stay.

She doesn’t remember that she has eaten; or thinks she has and then doesn’t eat. We have daily ‘arguments’ about whether she has had something to eat or not. She’ll finish a meal and then 10 minutes later she’ll say she is starving because she has eaten nothing at all that day so far. When she is told that she had just eaten; she says we’re full of wind and that she hasn’t had a thing to eat. The reverse is she’ll say she is hungry so I will make up something for her to eat; and when I give it to her she tells me she isn’t even hungry and only 5 or 10 minutes have gone by – I tend to pre-make a lot of things so they are ready in a short amount of time; because I can tell my grandma that I am making supper and she’ll have no memory of me saying anything 2 minutes later.

Sample Conversation:

Grandma:

 Well I guess I should have some supper before I starve to death (for the record I hate this phrase).

Me:

I’m making some (fill in the blank) for breakfast/dinner (lunch)/supper.

Grandma:

OK

2 – 5 minutes later

Grandma:

 Well I guess I should have some supper before I starve to death.

Me:

I’m making some (fill in the blank) for breakfast/dinner (lunch)/supper.

Grandma:

OK

2 – 5 minutes later

Grandma:

 Well I guess I should have some supper before I starve to death.

Me:

I’m making some (fill in the blank) for breakfast/dinner (lunch)/supper.

Grandma:

OK

2 – 5 minutes later…

You get the idea…this will go on until supper is ready.

We have high points as well. I have learned to play cribbage (Crib) which is something I have wanted to learn how to play for a long time. She can still for the most part glance at a hand and know the exact point amount in it. She can still do cross stitch although her days of sewing may be well and truly behind her (she use to make drapes; a memory I have from childhood is drapes hanging from the rafters of the basement ceiling. She use to make clothes as well and according to my mom was a hell of a seamstress.)

She does have her own moments of frustration in growing old and dependent on people. She use to work 16 hour days and now spends most days in a chair. She also has very little patience these days, which in response I find my patience growing.

For a while we use to let her do her own bathing; but it was always a struggle to get it done. We have Home Care come in these days to help with the bathing. There is no struggle now; as I think having the nurses come in and help with the hygiene part is a relief to my grandma that she won’t get stuck in the bath (this happened to my late paternal grandpa; and my dad and uncle had to come over and pull him out) and it is a relief to myself and other family members because as her family there is just some things we would rather not do. It is my stance that healthcare should be foremost in hand in regards to funding from government; it should not suffer because some twit on the board of directors needs a new toy…I am increasingly unhappy with Alberta Health Services’ decisions. My grandma has a fondness for peanut butter on white bread and if someone wasn’t by to ensure she had a hot meal she would eat that 3 sometimes 4 or 5 meals a day (depending on if she remembered to eat…) she’d go through 6 loaves in the manner of 2 weeks. Even with getting Meals on Wheels; she’d throw them out and eat the peanut butter on white bread instead. These days I try and make sure that Peanut Butter on Bread is limited to Breakfast and even then limited in the number of days this occurs.

Any change sends her into a tail spin and the day is basically shot. This is anything from packing up unused dishes to changing the type of door lock. I am not kidding…the DAY IS SHOT!

She also has a colostomy bag; which has the potential to be disastrous should she forget to empty it…they only hold so much. We have been most fortunate that these accidents happen very infrequently.

For a lot of folks; their family member that has dementia/Alzheimer’s is in long term care. They visit for the day and then go home to their own house. But there are a few of us who live with the dementia/Alzheimer sufferer. There is no going home to our own space; there is no taking a break really.

She hasn’t wandered off yet; more because she runs out of steam by the time she hits the end of the front walk than anything else; but the possibility while remote is still there. The bigger possibility and a thought that I try not to think is this. She’s in her late 80’s; and it is a very real possibility that one morning I will wake up and she’ll be ‘gone.’

I have been asked why the family has not committed her to long term care. The long and short of it is because should she be committed to a care facility she’ll be ‘gone’ in a month.

So for now I stay with her…and keep her as safe as I can; with support from the family where they can.

If you know someone who has the role of care giver to someone who suffers from Dementia / Alzheimer’s ; support them however you can. Even if it’s just cooking a meal…or lending an ear.

It is most appreciated!

Temptation…

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Temptation…

Temptation comes in all guises, beguiling and seducing…and we all succumb to temptation…ALL OF US. Even those who give the impression of piousness; they too fall into temptation.

The trick is being aware when you are about to reach that Point Of No Return. That moment in time when the next step you make will either be to take a step back to regroup and look at your ‘surroundings’; or you will take that step forward; and go all in.

When you step past that point and go all in; there is no going back; there is no undoing it; the Command Key/Ctrl+Z isn’t going to be able to help you. I am not talking about a decadent rum ball or even a skinny dip in the neighbours’ pool…the rum ball is fleeting and well the only hurt is your waistline; and the neighbours’ pool…well…I hope they are on vacation. I am talking other things…things that have destroyed careers; marriages…and lives.

Temptation feels good…really good…in some cases it could become an addiction. Where everything else takes a back seat to it; all productivity stops…all outside concerns seem to evaporate. When you reach this point….this is the Point of No Return…

This is where you need to decide…do I take a step back and take the heat out…or do I go all in; roll the dice and let it ride…?

I recently reached this point myself…and I was really tempted to go all in…but I chose to step back and take in my ‘surroundings’ – and this was a wise decision; because I was able to see that should I proceed I would end up hurting people (including myself). In the ‘cold’ light of day…I know in my heart it’s the right thing to do…but just because it’s right…doesn’t mean it’s easy.